Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
