You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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