chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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