i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
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The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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