I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
handjob tips. give me some.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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