Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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