I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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