I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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