shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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