I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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