Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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