I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
