I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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