I met the friendliest cop last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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