Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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