How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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