There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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