i need an iv and a liver transplant
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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