That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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