I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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