Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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