I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize