i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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