so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize