$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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