i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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