sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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