I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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