my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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