I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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