Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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