How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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