she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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