She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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