I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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