can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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