Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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