Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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