So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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