Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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