imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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