Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize