Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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