i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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