I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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