Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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