I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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