I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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