so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
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totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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