If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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