wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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